Vaginal condition makes sex feel like 'sandpaper rubbing inside'


A woman claims her agonising vaginal condition makes intercourse feel ‘like sandpaper rubbing the internal skin’ and has ruined her sex life.

Victoria Johnston, 26, from Mishawaka, Indiana, suffers from vaginismus.

This causes the vaginal muscles to involuntarily tighten up whenever penetration is attempted and can make sex impossible. 

After years of unsupportive boyfriends blaming her for her disorder, Miss Johnston is finally in a loving relationship with her fiancé Duncan Finlay, 26, but admits their sex life is ‘non-existent’.

She even struggles to cuddle or kiss Mr Finlay over fears of where it might lead.

Miss Johnston’s condition, which she blames on her strict Catholic upbringing and emotional abuse from past boyfriends, has also left her battling depression and anxiety.

Victoria Johnston claims the agonising vaginal condition vaginismus makes intercourse feel 'like sandpaper rubbing the internal skin' and has ruined her sex life

Victoria Johnston claims the agonising vaginal condition vaginismus makes intercourse feel ‘like sandpaper rubbing the internal skin’ and has ruined her sex life

After years of unsupportive boyfriends blaming her for her condition, she is finally in a loving relationship with her fiancé Duncan Finlay (pictured) but admits their sex life is 'non-existent'

After years of unsupportive boyfriends blaming her for her condition, she is finally in a loving relationship with her fiancé Duncan Finlay (pictured) but admits their sex life is ‘non-existent’

Speaking of the discomfort, Miss Johnston said: ‘The pain during penetration is a burning sensation

‘Sometimes there is also a scraping feeling, like sandpaper rubbing the internal skin.

‘It’s excruciatingly painful and sometimes the muscles won’t even allow anything to penetrate. They simply blockade anything from entering.’

As well as causing her agonising pain, Miss Johnston’s condition has also had a big impact on her relationships. 

‘Many guys used to make me feel guilty for having this condition,’ she said.

‘They would say hurtful words like I simply lie there during sex, unable to see the emotional and physical pain in my eyes.

‘Many would force themselves on me for their own pleasure, disregarding my own feelings.

‘I have been told I don’t try hard enough, despite my constant efforts to get better for the both of us. 

‘I have been bullied, blamed and emotionally wrecked by unkind partners.’

Miss Johnston blames her strict Catholic upbringing and emotional abuse from past boyfriends for her condition, which causes her vaginal muscles to involuntarily tighten up

Miss Johnston blames her strict Catholic upbringing and emotional abuse from past boyfriends for her condition, which causes her vaginal muscles to involuntarily tighten up

WHAT IS VAGINISMUS?

Vaginismus occurs when the vagina suddenly tightens up whenever penetration is attempted.

The woman has no control over it, which can be extremely distressing.

It affects between 0.5 and one per cent of women.

As well as struggling to have vaginal sex, many also find it difficult to use a tampon.

If they can achieve penetration, sufferers may then experience a burning or stinging sensation.

However, vaginismus does not necessarily affect a woman’s ability to get aroused or enjoy other forms of sexual contact. 

Vaginismus often has no clear cause but can include a woman:

  • Fearing her vagina is too small
  • Having a bad first sexual experience
  • Believing sex is shameful or wrong
  • Having an unpleasant medical examination
  • Suffering from an infection or painful condition, such as thrush

Vaginismus can sometimes occur even if a woman has enjoyed penetrative sex in the past. 

If a woman suspects she may have vaginismus, she should make an appointment to see her GP.

The consultation usually involves asking about her symptoms and rarely requires an internal examination.

Treatment is usually therapy to help a women understand her feelings about sex and her body. Relaxation techniques such as mindfulness can also help.

Pelvic floor exercise can also help a woman gain control of her vaginal muscles.

In more severe cases, vaginal trainers, which are shaped like tampons and come in different sizes, can help a woman get used to have something inserted in her vagina.

Source: NHS 

Although Miss’ Johnston’s fiancé is understanding, she admits her inability to have sex can try his patience.

‘Even though I am in a committed, long-term relationship, our sex life is non-existent,’ she said.

‘Because I also struggle from past emotional and physical abuse, any form of intimacy makes me nervous and uncomfortable.

‘Non-penetrative sex, cuddling and kissing are also difficult and something I have a hard time doing.

‘Instead of forcing me to perform any type of sexual activity, my fiancé allows me to initiate at my own pace.’

In the past, boyfriends would 'force themselves' on Miss Johnston and accuse her of 'simply lying there' during sex. She adds cruel past partners have left her 'emotionally wrecked'

In the past, boyfriends would ‘force themselves’ on Miss Johnston and accuse her of ‘simply lying there’ during sex. She adds cruel past partners have left her ’emotionally wrecked’

Miss Johnston’s symptoms appeared the first time she tried to have sex.

‘I first became aware I had vaginismus after continually having painful sex,’ she said.

‘I searched for “painful sex” on the internet and realised I hit all the signs and symptoms for having vaginismus.

‘At first, I was in denial and simply thought all I needed was practice.

‘However my therapist recommended I seek medical help when I eventually told her about my struggles.’

As well as causing excruciating pain, the condition has left her with depression and anxiety 

As well as causing excruciating pain, the condition has left her with depression and anxiety 

Miss Johnston, who has written a book about vaginismus, has also been psychologically affected by the disorder.

‘I am always nervous and depressed,’ she said.

‘Because I have become more emotional, I have had to seek psychological help as part of my treatment for vaginismus.

‘This includes talking with a therapist and taking medication for my anxiety and depression.

‘The condition often brings me down or makes me feel guilty, like developing this condition was my fault in some way.

She added: ‘I also have to be more mindful of triggers. For instance, I try to avoid talking with friends about sex and watching movies or TV shows that centre around romance and sex.

‘On the positive side, it has helped me to grow more patient and develop a deeper bond with my fiancé.’

Miss Johnston has written a book about her condition to help raise awareness of vaginismus

Miss Johnston has written a book about her condition to help raise awareness of vaginismus

Although vaginismus can be overcome with the right treatment, Miss Johnston has never felt properly supported by doctors.

‘Even when I was diagnosed and visited my gynaecologist, I was simply given dilators and never told how to use them,’ she said.

‘Most doctors I have seen have told me that they don’t know how to help me. 

‘I find this incredibly frustrating and have discovered that this is a common problem all over the world.’

She is speaking out to raise awareness of vaginismus and to help other sufferers feel less alone. 

‘I would like people to understand that this condition is out there and it is real,’ Miss Johnston said. 

‘It is not a condition that one can simply “get over”.

‘Those who suffer from vaginismus are dealing with a variety of traumas and we should not shame them from talking about it.

‘Partners should especially understand that the woman is not at fault.

‘They should help to create a positive and supportive atmosphere for their loved ones who suffer from this condition.’

According to the Women’s Therapy Center in London, vaginismus is a largely hidden problem due to many women suffering in silence and cases often being missed by doctors.

This is despite previous research suggesting that of those who check into sex therapy clinics, up to 17 per cent have the condition.

In her book, Living with Vaginismus: Dealing with the World’s Most Painful Pleasure, Miss Johnston gives a first-hand account of life with the condition.

‘I hope that by bringing my story forward, more women will get the courage to do the same,’ she said. 



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